Letter from the Future…

November 12, 2009

Ok… RD and DD have started off the tagging game again and since I’ve accused of holding up the whole process, here goes my letter to the past.

Hi there past me,

I know you’re going to be pretty cynical about getting a letter that claims to be from your future self, but before you sneer and chuck it in the dustbin, take a chance and read it. Unless of course you’re too scared to see what it says! (See, I know exactly how to get you interested)

Since I know you’ve got a pretty short attention span (That doesn’t get any better with time, trust me on that), I’ll give you the plot line in point form OK?

Firstly, I know the O/Levels don’t really mean much to you right now, but they certainly will to lots of others in the future. So remember, on the day of the art paper, don’t skip the last paper to go chasing after that girl from All Saints College, especially when it involves following her bus all the way home on a Chappy with 2 other guys! It’s not going to go anywhere except to get you an ‘F’ for the day’s effort.

A year’s time from now, the Colombo stock exchange is going to do a presentation on the job prospects available with them, and you’re going to fall hook, line and sinker for the dream of having your own money. It sounds so easy ya? Quit school and start working. What’s so hard about that? But maybe you should think twice about it, cos you’re not going to get that job. In fact the first job you do get after dropping out, involves unloading lorries for 750 Rupees a month with a tea allowance of 10 Rupees a day thrown in cos the boss feels generous!

You’ll go on a double date with your best friend when your 20. Remember, just cos he ends up kissing your date, doesn’t mean you have to kiss his date. That one kiss will lead to so much more and end with a broken heart that’s going to take years to get over. But i still think it’s worth it, cos it’ll be your first experience of real love. 🙂

By the time you hit 21 you’re going to have had the same number of bike accidents, but please, don’t stay away from the bikes. Enjoy the ‘burns’, hit every ‘gap’ that looks scary and ride on the wrong side in traffic. The bikes are something that will give you a rush like nothing you’ve ever experienced! Believe in the saying, live fast, die young, and have a good looking corpse. 🙂

Only one of these 21 accidents will be serious, the others will just leave you with a few scars that’ll make you laugh when you get to my age. One piece of advice though, you can avoid the one serious accident by NOT trying to bump 2 guys off their bike in front of the Town Hall. They’re the air force commander’s escorts, dressed in civvies, and trust me; they will try to kill you!

As for sex, believe me, it is as good as you imagine it to be. Don’t think all girls love to do it the way the girls in your favourite porn movie do, but trust me, some do. Just remember one very important thing when your in bed, God didn’t give you a tongue just for talking!

As for the booze, the smokes, the joints, the parties and the fights, enjoy them all. You’ll have lots of opportunities to mess with the harder stuff, but just stick to experiments. Try anything and everything once!

Don’t worry too much about your hair. You’re going to have shoulder length hair for a while and then around my age, you’re going shave it all off again.

You’re going to make a lot of mistakes in your life, but I’m not going to tell you how to avoid them, cos each and every one of them will make you who I am today.

So that’s about it I guess, you can now sneer and chuck this away. I know you’re going to do that and live your life like there’s no tomorrow and this letter couldn’t have possible come from the future. After all, you’re gonna live forever right?


The one eyed guy is a traitor…

October 14, 2009

I’m sure many of you have at some time or the other heard of the saying “In the kingdom of the blind, the one eyed man is king”. It’s one of those easily understandable sayings that make perfect sense the very first time you come across it ya?

I mean what could be simpler than imagining a country full of blind people who naturally make the one person who can even partially see their king?

But as of late, I’ve been thinking that whoever came up with this saying was in a way foretelling the future of our beloved paradise isle. After all, people would have to be blind (And stupid too) to continue to vote in and defend candidates who have openly flouted all rules of law and order ya?

But that’s exactly what happened in the most recent elections that we had. Candidates who made death threats, burnt down campaign offices and even one who cost the country billions of rupees by trying to fly, were felicitated with a fervor approaching mass hysteria and then given the majority mandate to govern this country!

In fact, judging by the results of the elections, it seems the majority of this country’s voters are more than ready to be blind to the violence and corruption that has become part and parcel of the present political climate of Sri Lanka.

But what about the one eyed man who was supposed to be king of this land? If the saying were to be complete, he would be on the throne and leading the people towards safety and prosperity ya?

Unfortunately, this is where the saying went wrong as far as Sri Lanka goes. Because in the ‘Paradise Isle of the blind’ being able to see, even with one eye, is the most dangerous thing. Anyone who has the ability to see and comment about the violence and corruption, who can see the yawning precipice at the end of the road, is at risk of being branded a liar and a traitor.

So, in today’s context, I think the age old saying needs to be modified a tad to be passed on to our future generations, “In the kingdom of the blind, the one eyed man is a traitor”.

Mahinda or Sarath?

October 9, 2009

Given the current political climate that seems to be raining elections like a monsoonal cloudburst, I’ve been talking to a few people about the latest developments in the country.

Almost 90% of the people seem shocked about the recent news of the attempted appointment of General Sarath Fonseka as the Secretary to the Sports Ministry. The consensus seems to be that it’s an insult to the achievements of this man to offer him such a lowly post.

While the present government has seen fit to reward former LTTE leaders with chief ministerial posts and even appoint them as Vice Presidents of the SLFP, it seems the General doesn’t carry the same weight in the eyes of the government. Maybe the powers that be are afraid that he would steal the limelight away from the politicians who bravely fought the war… from the safety of the political stages in the south and the comfort of their high security residencies.

Strangely enough, no matter who I spoke to, the conversation seemed to ultimately swing in the same direction, with everyone seeming to be convinced the General would be contesting the upcoming presidential elections. Another strange thing was that everyone seemed quite sure that if that were to happen, the General would emerge the winner by a landslide!

So, assuming the battle lines were to be drawn with the General going head to head against the King, who would you cast your vote for?

The guy in frilly panties has his mouth full…!

August 4, 2009

I couldn’t help but almost piss myself laughing when I happened to read a certain post on Kottu which was a gleeful yet malicious celebration of the suspension of another, more famous, Kottu blog.

This particular blogger who claims to be a female from the isle of Thambapani, but in reality just loves to wear frilly panties to cover his non-existent balls when typing posts, couldn’t wait to be the first blogger on Kottu to break the news about the suspension of ‘theblacklightarrow’.

Sadly, even as the lingerie wearing she-male was in the process of thumping out as many multi-syllable words as possible, the good guys at WordPress had already restored ‘theblacklightarrow’ to it’s rightful place.

I’m just managing to get my breath back after laughing so hard, and reading what has to be the shortest post ever written by this G-string obsessed crusader. Gone is the verbal diarrhea, Gone is the multi-syllable gobble di gook. All that remains is just three short lines about the new developments!!

I guess the Victoria’s Secret pin-up boy has his mouth full at the moment eating his own words to be able to type very much more!!


Of Elephants, Priests and Conspiracies…!

July 31, 2009

I have been reading quite a bit of news items and blog post recently about the on-going drama surrounding the abduction (Not in a white van tho) of two baby elephants from the orphanage, but a couple of news items today just took the cake!

It seems that certain prominent Buddhist clergy members have taken upon themselves to publicly defend the forced abduction of these elephants. I guess they have the right to their own opinion, but the manner in which they seek to justify these events just seems a bit mind boggling to me.

Apparently, the statement issued by them accuses the members of the public who raised their voices in protest, to be hypocrites who are not worried at all about the many killings of elephants in the wild. Now my confusion starts here, what exactly are they trying to say here? Is it that all animal lovers should immediately invade the wild life parks and hold protests about the killings?

It seems rather that these senior clergy members are saying that since lots of elephants are being killed off in the wild anyway, it’s perfectly OK for them to forcibly separate 2 baby elephants from their mothers even before being properly weaned!

But what really prompted me to write a post after quite a few weeks is the even bigger accusation being made by them. They’ve actually gone to the extent of saying that all the people who have protested are part of a foreign NGO conspiracy to wipe all traditional Buddhist festivals from Sri Lanka…!!!

Please excuse me while I sit here speechless for a few moments…

How in the hell can these people actually believe something as stupid as this? I mean it has to take a really twisted and paranoid mindset to see a huge anti-Buddhist conspiracy in the outrage expressed by Sri Lankans from every religion! To my limited knowledge, not a single protest was made with the intent of stopping the annual Perahara, rather every single article, post and comment I’ve seen has simply spoken out against an act of cruelty that these elephants have been subjected to.

I guess these clergy members too have seen the wisdom of jumping on the hysterically nationalistic Sinhala Buddhist band wagon in order to justify their actions. After all, anyone who has the balls to speak against them has to be a traitorous, NGO loving, bastard ya?

So, the next time you see someone throwing a stone at a dog, be careful of chastising them. You may run the risk of being accused of trying to destroy Buddhism in this lovely paradise isle of ours!!!

All things pork…!

June 23, 2009

There was this idea that came to me some time ago and then sort of got buried under the usual load of nonsense that occupies my mind space. Not that it wasn’t an important idea or anything, it just got tucked away for discussion at a later date. So here it is,

Is it just me or have any of you happened to notice that quite a lot of eating establishments have an aversion to serving pork dishes? Some even go down the road to hell and damnation by serving something they call ham and bacon, but in reality is actually chicken! How the hell can chicken be called ham or bacon?? If its not from a pig, then it’s definitely not bacon!

One of the main reasons I used to enjoy going to my College club was because they had a really good pork dish for bites. But that’s no longer the case as the kitchen management has changed and the new guys seem to be anti-pork! I think that’s pretty ridiculous, they’ve surely got to cater to the tastes of all the members of the club ya? After all, I think as a life member of the club, I have more of a say in what should be served by the kitchen than the owners of the said kitchen! I have already voiced my disappointment to the club and they’re discussing a way to rectify the issue.

Anyways, having discussed this issue with a few other pork lovers (while munching discontentedly on a chicken wing), I feel there definitely is a very big niche market here in Colombo for an exclusive pork restaurant. Sort of like a pork lovers heaven. I mean imagine a restaurant that would serve only pork related dishes? Starting with breakfast dishes like ham and eggs, bacon and eggs, pork sausages and pork waffles through to a dinner menu that offered pork chops, pork knuckles, pork barbecues and a range of fried and deviled pork bites! They could even offer takeaway stuff like double pork burgers and fried pork riblets!

I definitely would be a very loyal patron of such an establishment and I’m sure there are loads of other pork lovers out there who would not hesitate to make this place their first choice when deciding where to go for a bite to eat. Throw in a well stocked bar and you’ve just created paradise!

So what says you guys, is there a food and business minded individual out there who would like to take this idea on and provide a haven for people like me who don’t give an oink about swine flu and feel very discriminated against when reading through a menu?

I’m sure we can even get your advertising done in exchange for meal vouchers… 🙂

Nothing says it better than this…!

June 12, 2009


Britain’s got brains Jan…

June 9, 2009

Well, it certainly looks like the British voting public has got a lot more brains than the MP’s they’ve elected in the past. While MP’s like Miliband have been turning cartwheels trying to get the world to listen to LTTE focused propaganda, the public decided to send a message of its own. A message that very clearly said ‘NO’ to voices of terror in their parliament!

At the recently concluded European Parliamentary elections, Jan Jananayagam, who stood as an independent candidate with a platform of ‘Tamil genocide’ was beaten quite soundly by the saner voices in the race. But seriously, what else did she really expect? The British public want candidates who are focused on their issues, not on issues of people who live thousands of miles away. They rightly perceived that Jan, if elected, would spend most of her time crying wolf about the GOSL than worrying about the problems in her own constituency.

In spite of much hype created on her websites and on Tamilnet about how rap ‘superstar’ and ‘Eezham heroine’ MIA was lending her enormous support, even going to the extent of wearing a ‘Vote for Jan’ T-shirt, Jan was just a non-entity in the final count. Even the offer of a free MIA download for every vote wasn’t enough to tempt those stiff upper lips into a smile of approval. Maybe the British taste in music doesn’t really run too much to the ‘Boom, Boom, Bang, Bang’ genre of music that MIA puts out.

I’m sure, given the immense creativity and intelligence of the Tamilnet journalists, we’ll soon see ‘top secret’ documents leaked from somewhere that indicate there was mass scale vote rigging carried out by the anti-Tamil elements in Europe. Naturally this could be the only way to explain how such an intelligent and honest candidate such as Jan could be defeated ya?

After all is said and done Jan, you could have put those thousands of pounds spent on campaigns and promo materials to a much better use, like maybe sending to a charity that’s working on the ground here in Sri Lanka. I’m sure they could have put those funds to much better use in feeding and clothing the innocent civilians you claim to speak for!

But seriously, I’m not in the least bit surprised, we’ve seen 30 years of war funded by people like Jan. She was very proud of her stripes, so why should she change now? What she doesn’t realize is the British public have also seen her stripes and recognized her for what she is. A voice of terror.

Will the Tamil aspirations be buried by the Diaspora’s memories?

June 1, 2009

originally published on GroundViews. http://www.groundviews.org/2009/06/01/will-the-tamil-aspirations-be-buried-by-the-diaspora%E2%80%99s-memories/

I was just watching a past episode of the ‘Riz Khan’ show which is available on YouTube and the subject for discussion was what the future holds for the Tamil people.

The three panelists consisted of the former Sri Lankan ambassador to the US and Mexico, a human rights activist and Ms. Jananayagam, a spokesperson for London based ‘Tamils against Genocide’. Ms. Jananayagam is also in the running for the European Parliament elections according to TamilNet.

Now while the entire aim of the panel discussion seemed to be on looking at what the future holds for the Tamil people now that the war’s over, I was pretty surprised to see the spokesperson for ‘Tamils against Genocide’ seemed only interested in talking about what has happened in the past. In fact, such was the focus of this lady that she even saw fit to speak about incidents that took place within one year of Sri Lanka gaining independence!

Now correct me if I’m wrong here, but I was under the impression she had been invited to talk about the future of the Tamil people, not about their past. I don’t believe anyone is denying the fact that there were incidents in the past that contributed to the entire war, but should we as a people allow ourselves to be bogged down by the past? I would rather think that we need to use this opportunity to move forwards towards reconciliation and a lasting peace that addresses the aspirations of the people of Sri Lanka. Not just one segment, but ALL of the people.

IMHO, the former ambassador was the only person on the panel who stuck resolutely to the subject at hand and kept reiterating the need to let go of past hatred and ill feeling. He kept constantly calling for the need to understand and move on from the past. Unfortunately it seemed the one person invited to speak on behalf of the Tamil Diaspora seemed only able to stick to the Diaspora party line of ‘genocide’ and ‘ethnic cleansing’. In fact she seemed highly cynical of there ever being any form of reconciliation between the Tamil and Sinhalese people!

It was sad to see that when asked to discuss the future aspirations of the Tamil people, Ms. Jananayagam could only focus on the fact that Diaspora Tamils are in a state of shock and mourning and want only to see justice executed against the Government of Sri Lanka (GOSL). There was absolutely no indication of the Diaspora seeing any hope for the future!

It seems obvious that Ms. Jananayagam doesn’t believe in any future for the Tamils in Sri Lanka other than what is dictated to them by the Diaspora. The Tamil people, whether they liked it or not, have been constantly forced to go along with the aspirations of the Tamil Diaspora who tirelessly provided funding for the LTTE to carry on with their armed struggle for independence. I wonder if these Diaspora members who continue to carry a torch for an independent Tamil homeland have ever stopped to consider the views of the Tamil people who’re actually on the ground in Sri Lanka?

IMHO, it’s high time the Tamil Diaspora realized that their single-minded and almost obsessive focus on a separate nation has wreaked untold damage and suffering on the Tamil people. In fact it was this same obsessive thinking that eventually led to the LTTE holding their own people as human shields, whilst claiming to be their saviours! Even at this juncture in time, when faced with the unshakable evidence that 30 years of war have not been able to achieve this goal, they continue to cling mindlessly to this dream!

It’s not very hard for most people to see that more than a future for the Tamil people, what the Diaspora wants is for their twisted version of justice and fair play to be made a reality. Their dream needs to see light even if it means bankrupting the GOSL and making everybody, including the Tamils, suffer for the sins committed many years ago. They also seem totally unable to see that continuing with this course of action is only going to keep this ‘beggar’s wound’ of a conflict festering for many more generations to come!

So I believe its time for the Tamils of Sri Lanka to stand up and decide for themselves what they want for the future, and not let Ms. Jananayagam and the Diaspora bury these aspirations under yet another load of hate and rhetoric.

Emotional Tagging…

May 29, 2009

I’ve been tagged by Dinidu… (I’m terrible with doing links)
It’s a simple system actually, you write five words to describe how you feel about recent events in Sri Lanka, you tag five bloggers, you sit back and relax.

1. Joy
2. Sadness
3. Confusion at the feeling the above 2 emotions at the same time
4. hope
5. Cynicism about the above emotion

And my tags are:

Black Exists
Delilah Says
Jaded Shades
Black Lullaby

If you guys have already been tagged, just ignore my tag ya?